The One that Creates has an evil sense of humour

Which is why I believe that She is a Woman. Only a woman can appreciate irony as much as the Creatress obviously does.

My argument for this observation is as follows:
I was brought up to do the right thing, be good, and live my life according to the guidelines as provided in the Christian handbook to living life right - the Bible. Sure, some of the commands I took more seriously than others, but the point is, I do not murder, debauch, pillage, rob, you know, the stuff that's generally frowned upon by good people. I try to live my life by one rule: do not hurt anybody (which includes myself). So, according to most popular religions of the world we live in, living a 'good' life, should get me some points on the scoreboard. Sorta like following a healthy lifestyle, eat right, excercise, and you should lose weight, and hopefully live a positively awesome life. Same with this, live right, and you should reap the rewards, by living a joyous, beautiful life. That's the theory.
In practice, this amounts to bullshit. Not only does my life suck lemons, but it has done so for pretty much as long as I can remember. In my lifetime I have been robbed 8 times, been shot at once, almost raped 3 times (depends on how you interpret the rape legislation, which is a whole other blog), and although I hate the term, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abused for a big part of my youth. This has led to my ability to chose healthy relationships being a little warped (big surprise there).
Although according to popular literature, my life till now should have crippled me, I am too stubborn to lie down, and stay down, so, every morning I get up, every day I try to make a better life, every night I cry for all my efforts going to waste. Still, tomorrow morning, guess what I'll be doing? Getting up, and trying again. Yeah well, I've never been much good at only picking fights I can win.
So, every now and again, I get a little down about it all. I get a little pissed off at people ten years my junior, waving and hooting out the window of their half-a-mill-vehicles, sipping their thousand-buck-a-bottle cognac. I get a little pissed off at the guys sitting their fat asses in their leather chairs in their manager's offices, who has never had calluses on their hands from hard work, and who laugh at me for knowing the names of edible plants (cos they've never had to go pick dinner in the veld). I get a little pissed off at husbands and wives bitching at each other for not remembering to call that third time, cos they've never considered life without someone who forgot to phone three times, they've never had to do EVERYthing alone.
Don't get me wrong, I'm am not saying that I need a man to function, I have mentioned that before, but I do want someone I can tell about my fucked-up day, and about how much it hurts to feel like I'll never be enough, when seemingly everybody around me is partying up a storm without even a tenth of the things I worry about on a daily basis.

So, to get back to the title of the blog, sometimes I whisper in my head, "Don't you think it'll be nicer for every one concerned, if I just didn't wake up tomorrow morning? I know it certainly would be for me." You know, not to be too pushy or anything, just so She knows, I'm ain't happy, ma'm. That I think I got a raw deal, and would like to re-negotiate. That I'd like to have some of that goodness everbody else gets, without any clear reason for them earning it. Just die a little, and maybe next time choose an easier life, cos this one is no good. It's not like I'm asking for world peace or anything, it's something small and insignificant in the greater scheme of things. Not even a blip on the radar screen of life. The ripples my death would cause would not be worth mentioning. So, somewhere in the dark, just take it, stop my breath, grab the heart so it won't beat. Do what ever it is the Grim Reaper does. Please. (See, I even ask nicely, what good manners I've got.)

And then, like this morning, I wake up, and think: "Well, Thanks for listening, and Fuck You too!".