I am sad, that strange inexplicable sadness that gently reminds you that this is a life wasted. Every hour that passes without love, is one that is forever lost.
If only I could be on a farm, where I could put my hands in the earth and water, and feel how Earth nurtures, how She births all, and feeds all, and fills all. This magnificent power has always made me feel less empty on days like this. Like my tears have a reason, and that they contribute to something, even if it is only to give back a minute amount of mineral salts taken from Her.
I very badly need to find a way to live over this hole, or fill it with some unknown substance. It's like I know what my purpose is, and I'm keeping my back to it. Only I don't, all I know is this terrible longing. Like I should be full, like you are when you have a baby inside, like I should be creating a new life with my body. Like I should be with the person that makes me full, and that's my purpose.Only I'm not, and to be honest, I think that I may never be, so I'm responsible for wasting this precious thing.
I'm wasting my own life, and the others I could make full. Sad.
