I have resigned myself to the fact that I have to believe in faith. I just don't know how, yet. My weekend was pleasant, peaceful, if uneventful, that was by choice. I went to watch a movie with my mom and brother, worked in the vegetable garden, and generally took it easy.
All along I've been trying to analyse faith, to find out how you actually work it, what the method is behind it. Stupid, eh? I know, there is no logic, or instructions, you either have it, or you don't. So, now I have to work on accepting things I canoot prove. In other areas of my life, that's never been a problem, I mean, I believe in magick, I believe in the feyfolk, angels, all kinds of creatures and powers I can't prove. But, once again, I have felt them, I have worked magick and know it's powerful and exists, I have felt the presence of angels, and faeries, so I have experienced them. Now, I have to have that same belief of something I've never experienced, so that'll definitely be more of a challenge.
Hold thumbs for me, I'm venturing out in a big bad world, with nothing but faith to keep me safe.
The pic is there to help me gather courage, and act less like a scared child, if only for his sake.
Instead of the answer (or no answer, ever), I was dreading from JC, I got a joke. That's right, he chose to go the neutral route, and send me a joke. Not quite what I expected, but in the place of resentment, or any such emotions, I am totally resigned to his neutrality. I was relieved to hear from him, to be honest, and prefer exchanging jokes to any deep, meaningful conversations, which is what I thought I'd want. He is, and will probably be for a long time, a part of my life, whether I chose it, or not. Finally, I can think about him in the nostalgic, sentimental way you think about people who enriched your life, then moved on. I wish him happiness, and success. And I miss him, but not that raw, intense missing that hurts so bad it makes you gasp. It's a more mellow missing, which is infinitely preferable. Gonna try and keep it that way.
