Mythbustin' 101

You know what I find fascinating? How certain things are sooooo obvious once you actually think about them, sooooo easy to classify and file away.

I’ve (for the last 2 years or so) systematically been assigning friendships to the past. And no, I don’t mean “losing” friends, I mean ending friendships. Not in a “Fuck you!”, “No, fuck you!” kind of way, but in a quiet, I’m-just-not-available anymore, kinda way. Initially, I assigned this to the delightful series of endings I’ve been having, but yesterday it dawned on me, that, in all (and I mean ALL) my friendships, I’ve been the one doing the supporting, the encouraging, the comforting. My very first friendship, that lasted all of 10 years, was like that, and each and every one inbetween then and now. Now, I am of the opinion, that that’s not what a friendship is supposed to be.

This does seem to be the main theme currently featuring in my life, doesn’t it? This pattern of, in effect, begging people to use me.

Do I miss my friendships? You know, in a certain distant, dispassionate way, I realise that being this isolated cannot be healthy…. But at the same time, the being-taken-for-granted, and the disregard for my feelings, no, I don’t miss that. I do miss the people, the souls, I guess. But, hopefully I’m breaking a vicious circle that was starting to get very self-destructive, and that can only be a good thing.

Like I said previously, I just hope that there’s a healthier beginning at the end of this, and not just another sheer drop to nothing.

One more myth busted, I can survive without being used as a human tissue. Live and learn baby, live and learn.