0800-BALL-BUSTER, call me....

According to very scientifical research , mostly conducted by males, since, you know, most women, like, suck at science and all, men are attracted to women who have “good fertility indicators”. So I’s has a little enquiry bout this. What’s that mean in our current frame of reference? I mean, socially, it’s totally accepted that probably around 75% of all girls (in a very big racial majority) below 18, already has their first child. Now, I realise that I am generalising something fierce here, and that there are some very valid arguments out there to try and prove me wrong, but, bear with me, in my circles, the statement I made, is deifinitely accurate. Upon enquiring why, I was informed that this proves their fertility, and thus, makes ‘em worthy procreators, and pushes up the asking price for their parents, when they sell ‘em (payment is called ‘lobola’, Google it if you don’t believe me). Sharp, I don’t get that, but whatever floats your boat, right?

So, let’s look at this from another angle. I am 34, I was 28 when I had my baby, whilst married. My question is this, does the abovementioned principle have a “sell by” date? Why is it that being a single mom while a tad more mature makes me ‘complicated’ and not ‘fertile’?

And here’s the part where I’m probably gonna piss off most men, my conclusion on this is: Men want younger women solely because they are easier to manipulate, the ‘bending the tree while it’s still green’ mentality. They (in most cases) are more willing to deal with 'things', and are in general easier to convince that something is ‘permissable’ that should not be. In short, they have yet to learn that they have worth, and that that worth comes at a price.

But, I am getting a tad off topic here:

According to recentish research, let’s do a comparison of what the test population thought was desirable in women:

Hips, ass, boobs (that fertitility thing again) Check
No tall enough to be intimidating Check (Short to medium myself)
Feminine features Check (Blonde curls, blue eyes)

I have been told that I look fragile and vulnerable, which apparently makes men feel protective (and subsequently very manly) around me. So, physically there’s nothing about me that screams “Turn and run, turn and run!” to guys, right? Right. So, the problem has to figure in the equation once the guy has gotten to the stage where he actually realises that I am more than a vagina with a body attached to it. When it becomes impossible to keep the blinders on, and they HAVE to notice a personality, a brain, and gasp, an opinion!

Now, I have to mention here that from my teenage years, I have always had good male friends, but VERY few boy friends, and have had 2 serious relationships, with 1 ‘could-go-either-way’ relationship, and 1 I have to admit to never being remotely serious, although the guy was. So, ratio of guy friends to boy friends are probably around 98 to 2, figuratively speaking. Ergo, it would be safe to say that men prefer friends who are secure enough to have actual honest-to-god opinions and views, but not relationship partners with said characteristics.

An older male whose opinion I respect enormously once told me that men prefer women who ‘can do stuff themselves, but occasionally ask them (the men) to do it, just so they feel they have some use’. Butt, and it’s a big one, think Beyonce-sized here, I have yet to find a man like that. In my experience, changing your own flat tyre, instead of playing the ‘maiden in distress’ makes you ‘one of the guys’ and not, as he stated, a valued equal partner. Having strong opinions, and voicing them, certainly hasn’t earned me any gold stars in the romance department, although it sure does make my friends debate-happy!

A female relative who has been living abroad for quite some time now, had cause to consider coming back recently, and stated quite seriously that the South African man was one of the main reasons she wouldn’t come back. We had a very interesting talk on the SA male mentality, and boys, it ain’t pleasant. I’ve had a lot of dealings with foreign men, and let me tell you, you got a lot of growing to do to get anywhere near the kind of respect most foreigners have for women. Please, please know that I am not saying this to get up anyone’s nose, I’m simply stating what I’ve experienced in ALL cases when comparing SA men to foreign men.

Which brings me to the next dilemma, is this a cultural thing, more prevalent in the country of my birth? To a large extent I think it is, especially when our possible next president is a man who believes that women ‘ask for sex when they wear short skirts’; have been charged with rape, and told the court that because she lay still instead of fighting while he had sex with her, he didn’t consider it rape, even though she said no; and sings a song called ‘bring me my machine gun’ which sends his disciples into a frenzy of joy, at political gatherings. If someone like that is an icon in this country, does it even make sense to expect more from the average South African man? Sadly, I am not sure.

So, let’s sum up my conclusions on the subject (please note that I am stating it as it is in my mind here, and not going for the PC terminology just now):

We are still living in a horrendously inequal world (not exactly news, but still);
Most men are, in essence, cowards;
Double standards are accepted without any questions asked, WHEN the standards are a male’s;
South African men are worse than average;
Most men view women as 2 dimensional, a physical being with the ability to “give” them children;
Most women accept this view readily, and play to it.

I have to mention here that I am no angel, I know that I am to some extent, anti-man, and that I tend to notice the negative in male behaviour waaaay more easily than the positive. But, know that what I base all of this on, is personal experience. The argument that we attract a certain ‘type’ is certainly always at the back of my mind, so, this might be the ‘type’ I attract, sure. But, I refuse to believe that, in all the places I have been, and the biggish city I live, I only meet and have dealings with this one specific type of male. All, and I mean all, the males I can in any way recall are, in differing degrees, essentially the same. Even the dealings with men that have relation to someone other than myself (eg. a female friend’s husband, boyfriend, whatever) have never disproved my theories. And, I’m sure there are men out there with the same opinions of women, so ignore me, disagree, whatever. As long as what I’m saying resonates somewhere, I don’t really give a shit.

And, people want me to still believe in ‘the one’. Yeah sure. There’s this one man out there who’s the opposite of all of this, uh huh, especially for me! I’m stating that HE does not, nor has he ever, existed. That the battle of the sexes is a waste of time, and that women will, till the end of time, be seen as the ‘inferior sex’ by a large chunk of the male populace, because it’s a hell of a lot easier than admitting that we are at worst, their equals, and in my opinion, far superior to this kind of man. I just don’t think that there’s a man out there, man enough, to know me, and still stick around long enough to earn my respect.

So, after all of this, are you out there Mr Miracle? The one who’s supposed to make me respect the male species. If you are, bring it, brother, I’m waiting. Well, are ya? Yeah, didn’t think so.

I rest my case.

PS: A few other usefull labels: bitch, man-hater, feminist, in case you weren't creative enough to think of any.

PPS: I was SO much nicer when I was still getting sex! No really!