What I have to say Today

Stay in the rapids, then the adrenalin keeps the exhaustion at bay. Stay angry, stay fighting, then the sadness won’t wash over you like the slow, endless, moving beauty of the deep river.

Laugh, smile, joke, be loud, cos when you stop the tears start pushing, pushing, pushing, on the insides of your cheeks, pushing up, up, up, to reach the outside. Keep moving till the exhaustion makes you drop, cos if you lie down on your own, the dark swirls around you, and bleeds the whispers from your insides. And you have to listen, acknowledge the voices mirroring what you swallow every day, that the tears, the regret, the loneliness, can be kept inside, but never at bay. And that it will, never, never , ever, go away.