Sometimes, I even make myself nauseous with the whole "putting a positive spin on things". But, lo and behold, it's happened again!
Once again, survival (or maybe the part that's from Planet Whack) has kicked in, and this is what's been happening after the whole ‘son-going-to-live-with-fother’ ordeal - Still have that empty feeling, but it's actually not that bad, once you get used to not having a set of directions to work with. As a matter of fact, it's kinda exhilarating. I feel like a kid. I feel lighter than I remember feeling for years. I laugh, I smile, I tease (no, not THAT kind of teasing, you idjut, the innocent type!)
I actually smiled at 2 strange men without having a valid reason to. S’true! I do not do that! Ever! Too worried that it might be misconstrued. I actually look at men, without being worried there might be consequences. Which may sounds just a tad paranoid, but hey, some guys think a smile is an invite to bend you over a table, you know!
Might’ve mentioned this before, but I am totally off the wall crazy unreasonable when it comes to men, and I think that a big part of that, comes from having to be responsible for both myself, and my son, so any man that features in my life, has to be suitable for him, too. And, when it comes to my son’s happiness, nobody’s good enough. So, having the opportunity to contemplate spending time with someone because I want to, is a great treat. Even though I have no reason to be happy about this yet, I’m savouring the thought like home-made sticky caramel ice cream.
Amazingly, I am no longer afraid of the possibility of spending time with someone. And I can’t quite remember why I was so scared in the first place. Same goes for being alone. Peace has arrived in the midst of the emptiness, and I like it.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I made up my mind to start this blog, as a final resort against total insanity. I figure maybe, if I actually keep note of everything inside, it might make more sense, or even better - disappear into the e-world, never to be heard of - or felt - again. So that's what this is, my attempt at sanity.
About Me
- Sylphi
- Tough one, I think I'd rather quote a few comments made by family & friends about me. "Mad as a hatter", "hippie", "sin on legs", "should be kept behind a harem wall", "don't know wether I want to strangle you with a rope, or tie you to my bed with it", "too smart for your own good", "when you're happy you shine", "kruidjie-roer-my-nie" (which is a kind of herb that grows in arid places, when you touch it, the leaves close like the petals of a flower),"my angel" The list is endless, and very confusing, make up your own mind.