Feck you, & feck you, & you, & you, oh & you too ..........

You know, I think the Blogger fairies really like feckin with me. That, or I have some very determined and technologically influential angels. Cos, whenever I want to blog something negative, and emotional, it gets eaten by the Blog Monster. And, I’m only allowed to publish a blog once I’ve somehow turned a negative into a positive.

(Be warned: This is where it takes a dive down to Hades)

Which is kinda making it hard to get any blogs published this week. And I know, this is a good thing, and I need to ‘transform’ the agonising, mind-numbing pain into a nice, neat, “This is why I am now a better person” essay. Only you know what, even typing that sentence pisses me off so badly, I feel like smashing my (the boss’) keyboard down on my hand repeatedly, then kicking in my solid wooden desk, or break my foot, which I’d say is a more viable option, before taking a flying leap out the second floor window across the hall. Don’t worry, it’s not that high, it probably won’t be suicide, just mangling myself enough to take the edge off. That will, or running into the parking garage face brick wall repeatedly will, after I regain consciousness.

I am angry, and sad, and I feel as if I’ve lost the only man I’ve ever really felt I could have the relationship I want, with. That, plus the fact that I STILL don’t really know WHY, PISSES ME OFFFFFFFF! I MEAN, USUALLY MY INSTINCTS ARE PRETTY SHARP, BUT WITH HONEY, NOTHIN’! I ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE GAVE A FLYIN FECK. HE WAS THAT GOOD. AND YES, I AM SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, spiritually speaking, (and you just know this is gonna be as insubstantial as g0d-damned trying to eat mist) if we are not together, it means that we’re not supposed to be together, and FECK how I feel about it. I should LET IT GO, and MOVE ON. LET THE UNIVERSE TAKE CARE OF IT. ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELINGS, AND SET THEM FREEEEE…… Even Baby Bro (the ever-practical, correctly-wired, and well-earthed one in the family) feels that “all these disappointments are only leading up to the Perfect ONE”. Ja, and feck you too, Bro. We’ll discuss this again when you’re my age, and you’ve had a few more ‘disappointments’ pound out their fave songs on your heart with a meat cleaver. I mean, I adore you all, I do. But Jesus H Chris, this is NOT WHAT I WANT, and THAT should count for something. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL LIKE IT’LL BE MORE MERCIFUL TO RIP MY OWN HEART OUT, AND OFFER IT TO THAT LIZARDY AZTECH GOD-THING QUETZL-SOMETHING. I DON’T WANT TO CONTINUALLY SWALLOW BACK TEARS AND SNOT BECAUSE I’M SAD, AND I SHOULDN'T BE!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO SPEND MY DAYS AND NIGHTS WANTING SOMEONE THAT I CAN’T HAVE. ………….. AG WHATEVER, this is pointless.

And if this motherfecker don’t publish………………..