I had this whole other blog typed up

And then the Blogger Fairies took it away. Just as well, it was a rant about why I'm better off alone.

I'll try and convey the point I was attempting to make, before it turned into another 'why I don't like most men much'.

Someone told me he thinks I'm wasting my life, which made me think. I came up with no, I don't think so, cos I don't think that being the best single mom I can be, is a waste. I do get where he's coming from though. He's seeing it from the perspective of me wasting the time I could be in relationship/s, being single. Ok, there are lots of reasons for that, some good, most bad, but it's not some random happening, it's quite deliberate. And, although now I'm (mostly) fine with it, when my son's grown and no longer dependent, I will probably not be. At the moment I cope with the loneliness by living in the moment. Making a lunch box, now, reading a bed-time story, now, getting Misha ready for school, now. It's not a perfect system, but it numbs the terror of knowing there are no arms to turn into after a hard day. No body to ease the desire that still stirs below the skin.

Although it really is the easiest thing in the world to go out and pick up some random guy, I refuse to go that route. I will rather regret anything in the world, than look back on a life wasted trying to make the wrong person into an 'almost right'. It's gotta be all or nothing this time. I've discovered so many good things about myself being alone, that I can't really classify it as wasted time, and the regrets I have, are easily filed away to deal with later.

People seem to think that 'shame, she can't get a man', or 'she needs some help, maybe a blind date would help', when I choose not to. Which is apparently strange for a female, even in this day & age. I don't want 'a man', I don't need 'a man', I am much stronger and better off without 'a man'. The point everybody misses is that it has to be 'THE MAN', or nobody. Full stop. That's all.

So next time he tells me, that if he was me, he'd be out there selling it to the highest bidder every night, and that I'm wasting "what my momma gave me", maybe I'll go: "mmmm, maybe next life time, when I've forgotten my real worth". Why is it that in 2007 women still feel like they have to screw the first man that shows interest, just not to be alone? What in our society is so evil and twisted that women feel they're less than a man, because of a very annoying and rather ugly body part? I don't get it. I just don't.

And now I'll have to stop, before the Raving Ranting Demon takes over again!