Um...........so.... aaaaaaannyway

I was lying in bed last night, enjoying my usual insomnia, when I fell on a subject I haven't worried to death for a while now.

Lack of Sex. Or, the lack of any kind of sexual conduct.

Now, I believe, that in order to be a fulfilled human bean/being/whatever, I need to embrace all the aspects that make me ... well... me. Which includes the sad, oh, so very sad, severely underutilised sexual, sensual side.

Sadly, oh, so very sadly, my physical experience has been very limited. I'm saying sadly, because I've always felt that I have to supress my sensual side, for the sake of my puritanical upbringing, which dictates that I owe society the debt of being 'a good girl'. I've always had the suspicion that my hormones' reaction to this has been 'good gal, good gal? I spit on good gal...pah! pah! (Sound of spitting on sidewalk, while thumbing nose)!' The current state of affairs (pun intended) does not sit very comfortably on my primly clad shoulders.

Thing is, being a Gemini, with the duality and all, I think that had I been born a few years later, and brought up in a different household, I might have turned out to be a .... well, skank, not to put too fine a point on it. Now, this observation is based on the level of hormonal discomfort experienced during my lenghthy (sigh, gawd damn it, SIGH) "dry" spells.

So, in my eternal search for balance, I have been unable to find even a semblance of resolution to this touchy subject (again, pun intended). I mean, if you knew what went on in my brain - OMG, sometimes I scare myself! A good scared, though, verrrrry veryyyy gooooooodd, anyway, I'm gettin distracted.

I find myself unable to toss off (yep, did it again!) the mantle of years and years' ingrained training, and just (as many of my male friends suggest) go ahead and shag someone, already. With no thought of consequences, shameful feelings, or morals. No can do, buddy. I gotta look myself in the mirror tomarra.

Feelings inevitably enter the scene (and yes, aint' that just typical of the female psyche!), and with me apparently being destined to become some small town's resident cat lady, that poses a problem of GIGANTIC proportions.

So, to bring this 360º, sleepless nights I have no problem with, I mean, that just comes (I wish) naturally to me these days, but I dearly wish the reason I lay burning in my bed was not solely due to the season.

So.......aaaaaaaannnnyway, hopefully I'll have sex again before I spontaneously combust, or dry up. (Please, please, pretty please, with cherry and all!).