Thing is, I don’t really know how to describe the way I feel lately. I know what it feels like to be in ‘holding pattern’ – this ain’t it. I know what despairing feels like – this ain’t it. I know what numbness feels like – this ain’t it. I know what anticipation feels like – this ain’t it.
You think a puddle of mercury can have ripples? I feel like a puddle of mercury. Heavy and quiet.
And like the only thing that can disturb me, is my own impatience. Everywhere I turn for advice, signs, whatever, I get: “Be patient”. Fuckit. This is not one of my character strengths. I can be patient, but Geasus, it takes so LONG. I feel like I’m perpetually sitting with my foot tapping under the table, shifting position, then facing the window, then the aisle, muttering under my breath, “I can be patient, I can be patient, I can be….. FAAAAAAARK….. I can be patient, I can be ………………… Geasus, Mary and Josephus, I can be fuckin’ PATIENT…………..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(That last bit was me running away screaming.)
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I made up my mind to start this blog, as a final resort against total insanity. I figure maybe, if I actually keep note of everything inside, it might make more sense, or even better - disappear into the e-world, never to be heard of - or felt - again. So that's what this is, my attempt at sanity.
About Me
- Sylphi
- Tough one, I think I'd rather quote a few comments made by family & friends about me. "Mad as a hatter", "hippie", "sin on legs", "should be kept behind a harem wall", "don't know wether I want to strangle you with a rope, or tie you to my bed with it", "too smart for your own good", "when you're happy you shine", "kruidjie-roer-my-nie" (which is a kind of herb that grows in arid places, when you touch it, the leaves close like the petals of a flower),"my angel" The list is endless, and very confusing, make up your own mind.