The Artist formerly known as Chief Advisor

Has been let go. After a lifetime of sharing (as much as I can, which is probably about 75%) of my confidences with CA, we had a very interesting impromptu “You wanna know something funny? I find you hard to love” kind of heart-to-heart. This was prompted by a remark from my side ……….. You had to be there, but,

Here’s how it went down:

Sylphi: “I always get the feeling I’m bothering him when I ask him to help me out with something.”
Chief Advisor: “Maybe it’s because he thinks you’re as untidy and disorganised in your workplace as you are at home.”
Sylphi: ?
Chief Advisor: “You know, like how people don’t want to come visit you at home…..?”
(Aside: NO idea what she’s talking about here)
Sylphi: “OUCH! What the hell? Who doesn’t want to come visit me?”
Chief Advisor: “ I’m just talking in general here, no specifically about you!”
Sylphi: “But this whole discussion is about me!”
(Upon which it all goes pear-shaped rather rapidly, and ends with me in tears, and still no clue.)
Fast Forward to next day
Chief Advisor: “I am SO sorry I tried to give you advice. Just stop me if I ever try to give you advice again!”
Sylphi: “Advice? That is so not the problem, I don’t want advice from you, I want your support, and just to know that you have my back. And by the way, why is it that everyone else in your life gets showered with affection, but I don’t?”
Chief Advisor: “It’s cos you are really difficult to love, and cos you don’t ask for affection, so I won’t give you any if you don’t ask.”

Which pretty much ended it for me, right there. I am of the opinion that love is something you give someone because of the way YOU feel about them, and not cos they asked you for it. Besides, it’s a sad world indeed when children have to start begging for affection from their parents. I pray I never get so disconnected that I tell my son something like that.

So, that’s that, then. We talk, like “do you need help with dinner?” etc, but I decided that, if my trying to be her child makes her feel she has to work at loving me, I’d rather treat her like a housemate. Friendly, but distant, I’m keeping my distance, and so is she. I sure hope it makes things easier for her. Live and learn heh? Live and learn.