Satori!

Now I get it. The concept that's been trying to work it's way from my subconscious to the conscious, has finally broken through.

I was reading in a very comfy lounge chair yesterday, and suddenly it occurred to me that I wasn't cold, even though the weather was chilly, which is strange, sinde I usually turn blue at the first since of chill. Then, I noticed four little flames dotted on and around my lap. My dogs were laying in their favourite place in the world, which is either on top of, or as closely next to me, as they can get. And it hit me, I am loved in the most amazing way there is! Unconditionally!

There is nothing I can do that is bad enough to make them stop loving me, I can starve them, abuse them, ignore them, shriek at them. They will still love me, with everything their little bodies can hold. They don't care whether I can buy the fanciest food, they don't give a shit about whether I give other dogs the same attention they get, or whether I come home late, early, they just love me. No strings attached, and I have to say that again, NO strings attached. There is no reason, rhyme, logic, craziness attached to it. It just is. Unlike any human's love, which cos of our nature, can never be that, I have unconditional love.

So what the hell am I looking for? I have know all my life that this is what I want, and when I was small I knew exactly how to fill my life with it, I made my future plans based on that. Then, somewhere, something happened that made me think "I can't do that" and I stopped believing that my life can be filled with love. Now, I've found it again, right on my lap, and I find it unbearably sad that I'm not that faithful little girl that just wants to give and get unconditional love anymore. I'm gonna start looking for a way to get back there.

Anybody have a spare pair of ruby slippers?