First, let me regale you with a little tale illustrating one of the idiosyncrasies I call my own, which might seem a little freaky and weird to others.
I bought my first set of baby clothes when I was 21, 2 years before I got married, and 7 years before I got pregnant. Why? Because I wanted to be a mother that much. I had quite a collection going by the time I peed on the stick.
I know. Weird. Get over it.
Now, even getting divorced, and realising that I might never meet a man I want to be in a serious relationship with, didn’t deter me from buying baby wear…for the next baby, you see? Cos, the plan always was, to have at least 2 kids. I even PROMISED myself that I’d be pregnant before my 35th b-day.
Now, my 35th birthday is charging down on me, and my getting pregnant before then is about as likely as South Africa’s northernmost inland province being hit by a freak tsunami, before 21st June. Global warming taken into account, and all.
Okay, back to the reason for this delightful little story. Today, I gave away the little pile of baby things I kept in a dark corner of my cupboard. Last night, I took them out, bawling like a howler monkey, and divided them into 2 little piles. One, for baby boys, the other, for girls. The boy pile got wrapped, and presented to my pregnant friend, Nina, who will never know how much it tore me up to hand her that little blue package. The other, I asked my mom to give to The Sister (who is currently waiting for her blood work to confirm her third pregnancy).
Thing is, I’ve tried to give the clothes away before, and I couldn’t. It just represents so much to me, that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So, I made a deal with the Beautiful Ones, that if The Sister got pregnant (she was having trouble for quite a few months), I would give up the clothes. Her pregnancy would be my sign, that this was what I needed to do.
So, another end. For me, a really, really sad one. But, one that was a long time coming, and necessary. I’m sure that I’ll spend some time staring at the little corner that’s now empty, crying. But you know, it’s time to stop being fanciful, and face reality. Which is all I have, really, even if it is harsh, and horrid. At least it’s the truth.
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I made up my mind to start this blog, as a final resort against total insanity. I figure maybe, if I actually keep note of everything inside, it might make more sense, or even better - disappear into the e-world, never to be heard of - or felt - again. So that's what this is, my attempt at sanity.
About Me
- Sylphi
- Tough one, I think I'd rather quote a few comments made by family & friends about me. "Mad as a hatter", "hippie", "sin on legs", "should be kept behind a harem wall", "don't know wether I want to strangle you with a rope, or tie you to my bed with it", "too smart for your own good", "when you're happy you shine", "kruidjie-roer-my-nie" (which is a kind of herb that grows in arid places, when you touch it, the leaves close like the petals of a flower),"my angel" The list is endless, and very confusing, make up your own mind.